Frustration. Anger. I am FED UP with the bitch’s bullshit. I WANT MY BIRDS BACK NOW!!!
Maybe it’s partially because I have been down with the flu, I’m frustrated at my new job, I’m broke as all hell, and there doesn’t seem to be a decent attorney anywhere in the state of Washington who will help Lisa and I get back OUR birds and OUR personal property. We can (and have) proven our ownership of birds, items, etc. but still the thing possessing the store Mike and Donna built, grew and loved, continues to claim we have “abandoned” our birds, and that the estate included all birds and items in the sale of the store. The sale has not been proven to us, nor can the estate give away other peoples property.
So today I am livid. Screaming mad. Mad at Mike for going back in and leaving me here to lose everything we shared – and more. Mad at the bitch for the extortion scheme she continues to perpetuate. Mad at EVERYTHING. Crappy ass weather; shitty, sick Christmas; living in a trailer that sits on a tilt in a mud-hole, rocking and swaying while the wind throws giant limbs at it and my truck; the lack of decent legal help for poor people in shitty situations, enabling the thieving backstabber to get away with grand theft; my new job; my ailing Winslow…..he does not deserve to suffer cancer again…and I can’t handle it. I know I will lose him….I can’t. Not now.
Life is a cruel, cruel hell. I don’t want to be here anymore. I have lost….and seem to be continuing to lose everything that is my life. This is one of the days I wish the fire had taken me too.
So grief, as always, but gratitude too. I do have a roof over my head, a floor beneath my feet, walls to buffer the wind and cold. For now, I still have Winslow and Grace…and Mattie. I have breath in my body, and as proven in my screams today, I do still have a voice. I have a job. I have a couple very amazing friends who are pitching in to help “terrier out” an attorney. I have fight left in me, and I will fight until I get back my babies, and until Lisa gets hers back too.
Fury. Tears. Grief. Weariness. Fear.
Determination.