Last year Christmas was happy, filled with love and a very furry, feathery, fun family. This year is nothing like that. This year was lonely, sorrow, empty, sad, and a day I could have lived without.
My birds are still being held hostage. I have the flu. Winslow has had a return of his cancer; the mass in his face is breaking his nasal bones. This is likely his last Christmas, as I certainly can’t afford the oncology care and chemo he needs.
This year, Christmas is on a Sunday, at least I was awake for it. I’ve been asleep, minus the too often trips up to let dogs out/in and feed them, since Thursday night.
Nothing this year was like last year. I doled out the obligatory Christmas wishes, but I feel no joy. There is no Christmas cheer for me.
Tears fell like snow in a Christmas movie, just wetter – no fun involved.
I made it to feed my horses this morning, Cecelia and Juliet came out to see me, and give me gifts they had made me. Cecelia made me a horse ornament, my mini filly Frankie. Juliet made me a horse ornament as well, my mini mare, Mariah. Such thoughtful, meaningful gifts.
So in fitting with this blog, today was grief. But there is gratitude as well For the simple gifts of children. For the fact I have a trailer to stay in from the weather. For my two remaining dogs and my cat. For the birds I WILL get back. We will get to growing some other time. I’m not feeling it right now.
I made it through the day. One horrible step at a time.