There are fewer than a handful of hours left in 2022. Good riddance to this awful hell. But there isn’t much “happy” in my world, I still don’t have my birds, and I still haven’t found an attorney with balls enough to help me get back my birds and stuff…Lisa too. It would be great to have all this shit behind us so we can move on, shed this toxicity.
So I got through Christmas. I slept through it. Mostly. Now trying like heck to stay semi-awake, but not really caring either. Probably going to head to bed soon. I gave Grace and Winslow CBD treats to help them remain calm. There are already fireworks going off, and not one of us in our little family likes the damn things. Normally we would have a movie playing, but last time I tried watching a movie, the TV sounded like a demon lives in it, so that won’t work this year.
There is only one word for what I feel this holiday season…depressed. I miss Mike and our family. I miss the laughter. I miss Blessing fiercely reprimanding her Papa whenever he dared stand and move away from the bed. I miss her and Smudge tunneling under the rugs on the bed. I miss watching her eat an entire Stella and Chewy’s freeze dried patty. How she could do that and only be 2lb 7oz is beyond me. I miss Smudge belly-crawling toward me at bedtime…and cuddling into my neck as I took him to his bed.
I miss so many things about life….about our family. I miss home. Nothing is right any more. Nothing is comfortable or good,
For now, it is just Grace, Winslow, Mattie and me. Emily, Nico, Mala and Edward are still being held hostage, along with all the others.
After all I have been through and lost this year, to be so cruelly lied to and stabbed in the back by someone I thought was a friend is an extra level of hell I really don’t need. I believe in Karma. I believe in Karma. I believe in Karma! There are things I wish would happen, but I don’t want to carry that. I will trust in Karma to do the right thing.
For all the hell of 2022, there have been a few brighter moments….and I have met some great people. So for 2023, my wish is simple, may what folks have given to me in 2022, be returned in kind.
2022 began happily, but it is not the same as it heads out. I will not miss 2022.
One more milestone to go…the anniversary of the fire. Will this sorrow ever end? Will the tears ever dry? Will it ever get easier? This grief is like an anchor, it pulls on me constantly. I am so unhappy. So, incredibly, unhappy.